I cant seem to stop eating once i start. My life is consumed entirely by food. Anything i do revolves around it and i cannot get away from it. I seriously need help. This cannot go on like this. I'm stuck in a vicious cycle that i cant get away from and no one seems to notice. I feel like life just isnt worth it anymore, if food consumes my life then theres no point in living just to think about food. None of my family take me seriously and no one realies how bad this fucks me up. I have no willpower left anymore. I maintain my weight so people dont see my problem a a real one but its just imagined. I seriously need help but i'm not messed up enough. I cant concentrate on anything anymore. I cant do homework or play my trombone or even enjoy myself. My life is already ruined but no one cares. I just want help or death. But people dont believe i'm messed up, my family says i "play up" my problems too much, that i talk about them too much. I only talk about them because they consume my life and I cant function anymore. I ask for help but no one will help me. I feel like running away but I cant escape. I'm so trapped. People say that all you need to do to get help is to ask but I have asked and still I have no help. I'm finally hopeless.
Morning binge: 10 oreos (550)
1 1/2 cup coconut milk (120)
1/4 cup oatmeal (75)
1 tbsp pb (100)
1 tbsp carob chips (35)
1 roll (200)
5 tbsp pb (500)
5 tbsp jelly (250)
2 1/2 luna bars (200)
chick'n patty (90)
again i feel like i'm missing things... so another 100
total: 2220
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